what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
