I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
