thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
