Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
