He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I got inside last night via doggy door
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
