You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
