it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
