I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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