I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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