she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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