I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
