What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
