Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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