We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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