First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
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there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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