A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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