Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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