But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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