Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
