i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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