You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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