I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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