Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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