I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
