I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
