he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
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