a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
