i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
