There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
