we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
