lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
