sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
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in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
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Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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