my sisters under your porch take her home
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
