Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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