Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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