You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
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Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
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You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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