Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
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Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
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I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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