Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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