put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
