FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
