Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
