I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
