the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Randomize
