Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
