Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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