Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
