You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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