we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I love you. Go after that dick
Randomize
