bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
