you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
