is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
