I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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