If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Randomize
