I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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