The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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