Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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