I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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