4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
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