Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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