its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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