soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
