Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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