you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
what is it with giant penises always finding me
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
