we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
