I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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