I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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