get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
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she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
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Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.