I am in a vortex of obligation.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
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stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
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After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen