I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Locals Wish Tourists Would Stop Doing These 27 Things
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
25 True Facts That Sound Fake AF
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.