I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder