What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.