We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
