Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
